Creamy Beanotto
For when you are cringe
Prep time: 10 min | Cooking time: 25 minutes | Total time: 35 minutes | Difficulty: 2/5
This beanotto wasn’t meant to exist. It happened somewhere between ambition and embarrassment — an honest attempt at recreating something refined, followed by the realisation that I’d made something completely different… and kind of great?
If you want the full descent into “trying anyway even when it feels ridiculous,” that story is on Substack.
Ingredients (serves 2 as a main, 3-4 as a side)
Butter 2 tbsp / 30 g / 1 oz
Olive oil 1 tbsp
Garlic 3 cloves
Smoked paprika 1 tsp
Chilli flakes ½ tsp
Jarred white beans + their liquid 600 g / 21 oz
Bay leaves 2
Parmesan rind 1 piece
Chicken stock 200–250 ml / ¾–1 cup
White miso paste 1 tbsp / 20 g / 0.7 oz
Parmesan 40 g / 1.4 oz
Lemon zest from ½ lemon
Fresh parsley small handful
Salt + black pepper to taste
Equipment
Medium saucepan
Knife
Wooden spoon
Microplane
Whisk
Method
Start the base.
Add butter and olive oil to a medium saucepan over medium heat.
Smash the garlic cloves with the side of your knife and add them whole to infuse the fat gently.Bloom the spices.
Add smoked paprika and chilli flakes. Stir for 20–30 seconds until you panic they might burn (they won’t).Add the beans — liquid and all.
Tip the jar into the pan: beans + their liquid.
Add bay leaves and the parmesan rind. Stir until everything looks glossy and friendly.Make the miso broth.
In a small bowl, whisk the miso into the chicken stock until dissolved.
Pour about half of it into the beans. Keep the rest nearby.Simmer into creaminess.
Let everything bubble gently for 10–12 minutes, stirring occasionally.
The bean liquid will thicken, the beans will start to collapse, and the whole thing will become risotto-adjacent.
Add more stock as needed until it’s loose, glossy, and spoonable.Finish.
Remove the bay leaves and garlic.
Grate the Parmesan directly into the pot.
Add lemon zest and chopped parsley.
Taste and adjust with salt and black pepper.Serve.
Spoon into bowls. Add more Parmesan on top if you’re someone who respects themselves.
Nutritional Value (estimate, per serving as a main)
Calories: 610 kcal
Protein: 22 g
Fat: 33 g
Carbohydrates: 56 g
See you next week for the food; the confusion, as per usual, is on Substack.