Sardine Melt
For when you’ve been fired
Prep time: 10 min | Cooking time: 10-12 minutes | Total time: ~22 minutes | Difficulty: 2/5
This sandwich wasn’t born from nostalgia or heroism. It arrived between relief and hunger — the moment when someone else finally cancels something you already hated, and your nervous system audibly exhales while your stomach immediately wonders what you want to eat now that you can finally think for yourself.
If you want a fool-proof version with cheffy notes, that story is on Substack.
Ingredients (serves 2)
Sardines in extra virgin olive oil (mine are from José Gourmet) 1 tin
Kewpie or sriracha mayo 1 tbsp
Red onion ¼
Pickled jalapeños to taste
Fresh dill small handful
Black pepper to taste
Sourdough bread 2 slices
Mozzarella (or other melting cheese) 60–80 g / 2–2.8 oz
Cheddar (or other sharp cheese) 40–60 g / 1.4–2 oz
Butter, olive oil, or mayo for frying
Equipment
Frying pan (non-stick or well-seasoned)
Mixing bowl
Fork
Sharp knife
Cutting board
Cheese grater
Spatula
Method
Method
Prep the fish mix.
Drain the sardines lightly and break them up in a bowl with a fork — chunks, not paste.Build the flavour.
Add kewpie mayo or sriracha mayo, red onion, jalapeños, dill, and black pepper. Mix gently and taste.Cheese time.
Grate both mozzarella and cheddar.Assemble.
On one slice of bread, layer mozzarella first (that’s the glue), then the sardine mixture, then the cheddar. Top with the other slice.Cook low and slow.
Heat your pan over medium–low and add a thin coat of butter, oil, or mayo. Toast the sandwich slowly until the first side is deeply golden and the cheese begins to ooze. Flip and repeat.Rest & eat.
Let it cool for a minute (if you can). Slice and eat.
Nutritional Value (estimate, per serving as a main)
Calories ~550–650 kcal
Protein ~28–32 g
Fat ~35–40 g
Carbohydrates ~30–35 g
Fibre ~2–3 g
Why it works nutritionally (without pretending to be virtuous):
Sardines provide high-quality protein, omega-3 fatty acids, vitamin D, calcium, and B12
Cheese adds protein and fat, which makes this genuinely filling rather than snack-adjacent
Sourdough offers slower-digesting carbohydrates compared to standard white bread
Pickled jalapeños and onion add acidity, which helps balance richness and digestion
This is not a light meal. It’s a complete one — protein, fat, and carbs in proportions that actually keep you full, especially when your appetite is driven more by stress relief than hunger cues.
See you next week for the food; the confusion, as per usual, is on Substack.